I just saw a hot homeless man
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
