We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
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The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix