I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
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I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
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Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.