That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?