How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
