shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.