I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
