No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
