How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
