I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize