Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
