Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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