Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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