I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
