Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
