Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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