you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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