Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
