just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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