Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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