God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
