i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
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she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
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I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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