I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
