How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
