Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
