maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
