is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
