I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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