I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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