can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think a kid would responsible me up
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
