Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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