her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
