I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
