Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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