My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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