Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
