i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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