you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
