New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
