I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
