halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
