Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
