Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
