one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
