My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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