You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
