Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
