My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
