got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
