i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
