turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
honey bunches of taint.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
