This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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