clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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