wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize