She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
