it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
