Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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