I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
