Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
