Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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