it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
