it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
