Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
