Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The best revenge is premature balding
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
