Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
