I love black thongs
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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