Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
