In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize