you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
they're like a gay fantastic four
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
