shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
