New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
nutella sex= disaster
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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