got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Your topless pictures make me question reality
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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