How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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