found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
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im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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