he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
