Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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