at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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