guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
