plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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